StreetWrites Workshop for Writing Out of the Margins

Rewrite at Will

... or at anybody else handy. In a desperate fit of "I've run out of books and I need to go to the restroom", I picked up a novel from the "free books" shelf at Real Change. The title is Wedge Goes to Arizona and it appears to be one of an unbelievably long (you'll see later why it's unbelievable) series of Westerns by J.T. Edson.

This is the first sentence after the preamble:

[begin]
Sitting his fifteen-hand bayos-cebrunos gelding selected from his mount -- no Texan would use the word "string" for the horses rotated in use for his work -- in the remuda in a relaxed posture -- but maintaining himself the straight-backed posture imbued during his training at West Point prior to having left and served with distinction as an officer, rising to the rank of captain with Hood's Texas Brigade in the Confederate States Cavalry through the Civil War -- Martin Jethro "Stone" Hart studied what was happening to his rear with a sense of satisfaction arising from a belief that all was going well.
[end!]
If you want to play with this, pick any or all of the following games:
  1. Rewrite this so that it is readable and does not make Anitra giggle hysterically.

  2. List all the things that you can find wrong with this. (Bonus points for identifying what Anitra is giggling about.)

  3. Write a sequel explaining what exactly *is* happening to "Stone" Hart's rear. (Oh, darn, I gave away the #2 bonus question.)

  4. Identify techniques the author was using (or trying to use) that are common to other novels. (Example: Including as much background as possible in the very first sentence.)

  5. Anything else. Have fun. :)


Write On!
Anitra L. Freeman

StreetWrites Workshop Exercises