On five minutes
Depression, loneliness in the face of a relationship without love or tenderness
She waltzed in, sweeping us off of our collective feet, believing in love at first sight, proposing, half dare, half true freedom, the conversation of the stairwell, the corn between your teeth, the invitation that surprised mostly me
On five hours
Having met, and fallen in love, and talked at warp five, eating French fries and drinking soda, discussing life and love and death and physics and religion, floating home with the feeling of love so long lost, the joy of real love finally, at last, with a woman worthy of my affections and who I am
On five days
Having kissed and floated home yet again, left the dead end of the other in my life with a single phone call, never to see her again, touching her breast, first clothed and then naked, the feeling of warmth and belonging and love and tenderness and the taste of her sweetness, like mead, writing together in the heat of passion, resting after the fifth hour and a yes, watching each other live and love and learn, discussing the things of love and sex and joy and ways of intimacy, experimenting with ourselves and each other, smiling, talking, communicating, the work we left behind in fire and joy, the loss of a brother, the understanding of what life is truly about, the happiness of belonging to each other
On five weeks
The glow not fading, the smile not frowning, the life not ending, the mother not understanding, the secrets revealed, the moments shared, of the moment in the yellow room we painted when she told me of her pain to overlooking the parkland we shared as our domain, talking of life and past and reality, of making love until we are both exhausted, over and over and over again, every day, seeking the perfect realization of who we are, together and apart, the ties that bind us together in an embrace of love and cherishment, and the ring, a small thing of gold that means our love, our souls touching, or dreams begining to overlap and to share
On five months
The apartment, the new life, the new job, promises, and then the arguements, but never more than household chores to do, the pain remembered, the slap which killed me inside the first time, the truth sought, the birth of Christ and the giving of thanks, the love and lust and sex of playing house, the mess, the waste of time and things best left forgotten on the flor of our old life, the work for so long without her in a cold warehouse, thinking only of her and the reason I tortured myself for her happiness
On ten months
The loss of the apartment to my own foolishness, the trip planned out of desperation, the walk along the railroad tracks into the heart of the city and the bathroom beneath the trains which rattle overhead like a thunderstorm and earthquake, the night of pizza and the song which made her cry for the joy inside of her, the promise of ourselves to each other forever, the mistakes with money and each other, the tarot cards spread out over the floor, the comet, the return of the prodical brother, the lies, the beginings of mistrust, the money overspent on survival, the return to my parent's home, the many jobs lost, the love we made together despite the stress, the joy of just being together, still one in spirit
On fifteen months The streets, the rough, cold, lonely streets of Capitol Hill at night with no place to call your own save a bush and a few blankets, taking comfort and warmth with our combined body heat, the love unraveling, neither wanting to admit or talk of the problems, the day, two days, a week in a motel to spend alone time, the first with each other, the third by ourselves, the mistake of taking her for granted, the hard thrust of pain and selfishness, the betrayal of love and friendship, the loss, the deep pain welling up inside of me like burning pitch, shredding my innards like a blender, filling my sould with a burning, vengeful wrath, harping at one another over our mutual betrayal, the other stepping into what was not his place, the threats, and, at the tail end of this episode, a friedship forged, but, underneath, the obsession for her, thinking of her all the time, wanting her to return so badly that I would do anything, say anything, be anything for just the idea that she would return home and make my life whole again, and now, finally, the acceptance of her as she is now...
And, in the end, a new beginning.
And now that forever is here, since we did pledge forever, I regret only that I never could tell you how much I loved you when you needed to hear it.
Three OSs for the Mainframes that used to fry Seven for the Macintoshs in their dens of silicon Nine for the PCs doomed to die One for the NeXT which is now gone In the land of Cyberspace where the hackers lie One OS to rule them all One OS to find them, One OS to bring them all and in the Internet bind them. In the land of Cyberspace where the hackers lie-- With apologies to J.R.R. Tolkien